


Shatter Somebody Like Me

by midoriverte



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Day 4: Character Study, Hidekane Week 2020, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28122783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoriverte/pseuds/midoriverte
Summary: If there was anything that could have ripped Hide’s heart right out of his chest, it was meeting Kaneki again.
Relationships: Kaneki Ken | Sasaki Haise/Nagachika Hideyoshi
Comments: 15
Kudos: 49





	Shatter Somebody Like Me

If there was anything that could have ripped Hide’s heart right out of his chest, it was meeting Kaneki again. 

How many years had it been since he had seen Kaneki in the sewers, losing his mind and desperate and– and recognizing Hide in spite of all that. Some last shred of Kaneki’s sanity was spared to recognize Hide. To remember that he didn’t want Hide to know he was a ghoul. 

And, yeah, maybe Hide had taken some pride in that. That Kaneki knew him and wanted to protect him even now. And Hide had known the truth the whole time, and maybe he should have told him when he had the chance. 

But that didn’t matter now. The things he should have done, the things he should have said...

_ If Kaneki had ever given him the chance _ , is what he didn’t allow himself to think. 

He would have been lying if he said he hadn’t been scared of Kaneki in that moment. That, at least, no one could blame him for. 

He doesn’t remember what happened after very well. But the kiss, brief though it was, was seared into his memory. He was grateful for that. He was sure it would have been all too easy for the kiss to fade into the haze of the horror Hide experienced after. He thinks that even then, some part of him knew that this was all he would ever get. That it wouldn’t matter if he died here or if he somehow managed to see Kaneki again. This would be the only time Kaneki returned his affections–

–That he would only return Hide’s affections when he could get something out of it. 

Hide remembers when the kiss ended, the moment Kaneki tore into his flesh. 

After that, he remembered nothing but flashes of images. His blood blooming in the dirty water. The rough rock of the tunnel under his hand. 

The painful months of recovery he remembers all too well. He wouldn’t call the pain indescribable, in fact he had spent far too many hours thinking of exactly how he would describe it if only he had a voice. 

But none of that mattered now. Because after years of fighting and hiding and doing everything he could to make sure Kaneki would be safe, Kaneki was in front of him. 

And it was just like old times, and it was unfair to say he was just like the old Kaneki after what he had been through, but he had the same awkward smile, the same nervous laugh. He stood a distance from Hide, saying “Hey”, as though it had been minutes and not years. 

Hide hated him for it. 

Even as relief washed over him to see Kaneki alive and (compared to how he had seen him last) well, even as that awkward smile made Hide’s heart flip the way it had when he was a teenager, Hide hated him. 

But Kaneki knew that Hide had sent him that book. Kaneki asked to see his scars, to see what he had done to Hide, he didn’t let Hide joke his way out of it. He didn’t flinch. He thanked Hide for showing him. 

He told Hide he had always known that he hid parts of himself away. And he cried when Hide said he really knew him. And in that moment they both knew that Kaneki was crying because he knew it wasn’t true. He knew that he had never known Hide at all. 

And Hide loved him. Still. 

It was as much a fact as gravity, and it kept Hide bound just as much. 

It didn’t matter if he loved and hated Kaneki in equal measure. It didn’t matter, even, if he hated Kaneki more than he loved him at this point. Hide had always known the part he was to play in Kaneki’s life. And it was his own fault if he had ever allowed himself to hope for anything different. 

He accepted, in that moment, what he was to Kaneki. As Kaneki–ever oblivious–kept talking, Hide let go. 

He watched the sun set over Tokyo, Kaneki shone in its red-gold light. And Hide had never been so happy. 


End file.
